DO NOT GIVE UP

WE WERE LIKE BROTHERS

When I was a little girl my Granma bought a little stuffed wolf for me, his name was Babu.
Babu had big blue ayes like the big blue sky, blue ears like ocean, a gray and white body like the clouds before rain, a big head, but a small body.
In my head Babu had life. So yes, I did talk to him some times, I stayed with him all the time except in the school because my mom did not let me. You can’t take him, Amanda- She said.
So when I came back from the school I would get a lot paper and teach him what I learned and we do a tea party.
I had a mini-table with two chairs. One for Babu and the other for me. My Grandma helped me cook every thing and that is what I liked to do the most. Cook with my grandmother. While Babu sat in a chair and watched us cook.
I do remember my Mom smiling when I played with Babu and my Grandma helping me and playing like if she was with 6 years again.
Babu and I were like brothers, best friends that lived under the same roof. Before, went to sleep I would put him on his bed that I made for him and start to sing a sleep song.

Go to sleep my sweet little angel
While you dream I promise I’ll be here.
With my love I hug you with my kisses I take care my sweet little angel,
Here in my heart is were you belong…

Some times I would just read a story like Pinoquio, Tarzan, Pequena Princesa and more.
In my dreams, he would go to school with me. At my school there was a high point where only I could go up. The others kids could not because they were afraid. But I went every day during lunch time. This time Babu was with me and I could understand why we loved being there.
Up there had a beautiful view of the sun fleeting the trees, the could breeze gently touched my skin and my hair blows like to guide me far beyond the horizon, Babu said that one day we go follow and he gave me a drew of that view. Babu was artic and I asked him if he could teach me how draw then he told me.
We do not learn we create things from our hart.
In that moment I waked up and looked for the side he did not was on his bed.
I looked every were for him I cut not find, I sit down in one corner and I began to silently cry.
My Mother as a guardian angel came and said
It is okay my little princess I am washing Babu.
When she said that, my sadness lived, left behind my big smile. I hug my Mom very strong and in her ear I said I love you.
Before my Mom finished washes him I would get my color pencils and some paper for draw the beautiful from my school.
I stayed with him for 3 months more after that day, because my mom said that I was to old for play with Babu so I give him for another girl.
After I complete 12 years this girl give Babu back. He missed you. She said and I have him in to now. I do not play or bring him everywhere with me like before but I do talk to him every night before sleep.
Now that I have 14 years old he give inspiration for draw and be not just good but an incredible artist.
“Child Dreams are powerful” It is how I named that draw that I made for Babu, that was my first drawn.
We are like brothers today, tomorrow, forever and ever.

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MY LITTLE DOLL
There was my mom, my friends and I in my birthday party. In my grandma’s house. I do not know why, but I always love to be there. I am five years old, but looking at my size it looked like I didn’t change anything.
It was time for open the presents, my mom’s present was the last left. Curiously, I opened the birthday present that would be something super cool, my heart was pounding, my head wondering what could be a ball, a game or a new dress.
There was a doll. I didn’t understand why my mom gave me a doll I always hated dolls. But I didn’t want to make her sad so I smiled and thanked her.
Three days passed and now that doll inside the birthday present now was my best friend. I brought her to school the next day to show to my friends, but when I looked into my backpack she do not was there.
Who took my doll from my backpack?!- I screamed very angry as nobody saw me before. While everyone around me looked scared, I looked at each eye around me to see who was hiding something. Everything stopped for a minute or more, silent not knowing what happened I sat down, I lowered my head and let my world collapsing on top of me.
I felt so homesick for my doll, who was the one who had a beautiful hair smelling of chocolate, cheeks pink as a baby, red lips like roses in spring and black eyes that reminded me of the stars in the sky before bed. What was the last thing I saw before falling asleep, I was the one who told stories and it is she that fought the monster under the bed beside me. The doll named Compagno, that makes me sleep, was the doll that understood me when I talked to her even if she did not know a lot words.
After school back home I said to my mom what happened. She stayed mad at me for bringing her to school and I didn’t ask if I could.
Where is Compagno? Where is my doll? Where is my silent friendly doll?
Crying I said in the corner of my room, promise my self that I never go back to do anything that I did with Compagno. I will not do anything unless I see it for the last time on my hands.
Where is Compagno? Where is my doll? Where is my silent friendly doll?
The next day, I went to school but not like the active girl who always smiles to her friends, this one she completely disappeared. I was as trying to be invisible.
After school I did not play with my friends, I close my self inside my room singing the song that my mom sing to me and Compagno on stormy nights.

Please don’t cry
Stand up and try
I’m hare for help you fight
Don’t be scare and dare your fear…

Sometimes my mother convinced me that I should go to the park, but I did not play with anyone, sat looking down at swing remembering the last time I saw Compagno.
The warm days were so cold; life did not return my fantasies, every day was getting worse. If I gather up the tears of those dark days, and would throw up come back like storm.
Just like my mom, my best friends Paulo and Julia were tired of seeing me suffer for a simple doll.
You like it or not, you should come with us. – They said. They wanted see me smiling again, have their friend back.
Paulo tried reminding me all the things that I did love to do before and Julia was trying to make me try new things. She knows me better than any one, I meat her when I have 2 years old, she know that I love try new things.
They did all this just for help me forgot about Compagno, but if one of them left I never will forget them and they cut not understand why I am like this just for a doll.
I really have a lot fun with them, as if I had not enjoyed myself a long time ago. But I still was missing Compagno.
Looking like years, many days past. Compagno do not was with me yet only on my dreams.
Where is Compagno? Where is my doll? Where is my silent friendly doll?
Another day on my school, I did not change but my classmate’s yes. I was confused were like if I found Compagno, she is by my side and every one cold seeing it.
I am always the first one to come in, this time they did every thing for I am be the last one. When I finely came in every one who I know from my school was there, they was facing me with a big smile on their faces.
I look on my desk a mysterious box, with a cart. I did not know how read so a put the cart on my pocket for than my mom read me after. I open the box. A rag doll was inside, was not so beautiful as Compagno but was made with two things that made it more special love and friendship.
I smiled and run for hug every single person that was in my room, I never felt so special, lucky and grateful for having known them.
Now I had a new Compagno. Not the same, which uses red dress, has roses as a baby, red lip like roses in spring and with dark brown hair smelling of chocolate. It was with button eyes, with hair made with wool and body and rope made with different fabrics for clothes. Was incredibly lovely to me. And the name was no longer Compagno now it is Meyta.
Today and longer have no reason to cry, only to laugh and dream about the wonderful people around me.

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FRANK
Amanda, who is that boy? Every day I walked back home alone after school. It was not far away it was just across the street. That day was different, one boy who said that his name is Frank, brined me home and the next day he was waiting for me outside my house like bodyguard, just for we go together to school. He starts do this every day, what kind of boy does that?
Normally in my school if one boy liked a girl they just invite her to play with him, eat with him in lunchtime or ride a lot love carts for her. Frank was different, I cut not understand why he do not leave me alone.
In the school he sit just behind me, I could feel him smelling my hair. Worse if a boy come close to me, Frank look at him with an angry face and very slowly the boy walk away.
Frank, whose always followed me everywhere, is a great guy that does not understand the meaning the word “No”. Frank who is very popular with all the girls, well, not all the girls. Try and try asks me out over and over again. Is persistence, rite notes on my notebook every day, save my spot for classes he text me good morning and good night before I sleep or after wake up. He is that guy who tried doing every thing possible to only get me on his side like bring my books on his arms every day.
On his birthday he invited me for his birthday party, I saw that was a party with his friends.
Then in the end were only he and I in Pizza Hut. It was fun but uncomfortable and after was much better. I knew him better after that and I laughed more than I did since I met him. That night when I was going to sleep, I stayed up looking for the drawing that we made together in art class, I put it on my wall because it was very cool, but I think that I was never friendly with him and he help me a lot was a excellent friend.
In the next day I start be more friendly with him and we start be closer with each other, well I start.
I never suspect that he is funny, strong, smart and cute in the same time. I learn a lot with him, I really enjoy that.
My mom likes him too; she can see how much he is different from the others guys, in the afternoon my mom was talking to him by messenger and I was studying in my room.
Then my mom calls me for read a message that Frank rite.
Mrs. Silvestre I have fair to tell you this but I am complete in love with your daughter. Can you give permission for I ask for it in dating?
I was in shock. I did not know what said to my mom, do I or do I not like him? My moms ride yes of course just because she could see my reaction. Maybe she was right I do like him but I do not want said.
Next day he did not was outside my house waiting, I was. He came close slow and nervous, I just smile for him and he came more close, hold my hand, I cut see that was the moment for he ask me. Inside my head was the answers yes, yes, yes and yes and yes.
Hi Amanda, ready to go to school? – He said
Then he start walk and I went after him, I did not understand. Why he did not ask?
Because my hair was a mess? Because my face looked like I got up early and not washed my face? Because I smell bad? Was something wrong with me in that moment?
The day past fast and was time for back home before he left me in the door of my house he give me a hug and a softy kiss on my cheek.
I stay there with a stupid face, my mom open the door, looking at me like if some one die, we sit-down on my bed looking for each other eyes, before she tell me what ever she need to tell me, I said what happened in the door and that I was complete in love with Frank too. She tried smile but look like what I said just make her more sad, looking down she sighed, grabbed my hand and caressing my head she tell me that we was living for Brasilia in 10 days.
I could not say anything, I started to cry upon my pillow and my moms get out of my room with repentance for having told me. I tried to stop crying to tell her it was not her fault, I know I was at work my father and agent had no option, but I could not.
I cry more and more saying Frank please does not let me go. My mom was surprise because she never saw, I crying like that for some one.
After I comedown I start rite I cart for him not any cart saying I need to go but I just want that you know that I love you, no! One cart that talk about a history, our history with al the details every day before I live I work on this cart for the last day I cut give him.
On my last day of school the entire school made a party masks for me, I did not have a mask but not fancy, then I remembered the dress that Frank gave me the last time I was at the movies with him.
The dress was white, long even under my knees with beautiful bright details; I was looking like a princess. I was feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.
In the party he was a prince, the perfect couple, I give him the cart and he kissed my cheek with his favorite stupid hat, the one that he was using when I meet him was new when I met him, he came close to my ear and told me that there was nothing special to that hat.
This hat gave me the greatest luck in the world … you.
I hug him for a minute and after he invited me to dance. We are dancing, dance and danced in the end of the party like if the day never ends. I the next day I left living nothing more that my lovely Frank, my prince from my fairytales.

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What I Gone Do?
I love to go to the mall with my mother not only to buy things but to hear her advice on how be a good teenager. Sometimes she compares it with her teenage experience, but I do not hear her, when she does that but after happen the same thing with me I say for my self why I didn’t hear her?
When I go back home I think about her advice and what’s going to happen after I finished the university? If I do this go affect my future in the negative or positive way? How that goes effect?
In my room I start being scared thinking that I might make a lot mistakes and I do not have many opportunities to have a good future but how I can change that?
Some times I stay observing every teenage like me for see if they past the same things like me.
I love hear the Teachers talk about their teenage experiences. I try imagining how they looked like when they were my age.
My teachers when they use like an example of their teenage experience I feel more comfortable to talk to them about every thing. It is easier talk to them if they do not just talk about the class and our behavior. Like Mr. Hyles he always is helping me not only about work but also about life he is a perfect example.
When some kids come to ask me help or give them an Idea, I feel so good for being able to help them. I am really sure that my friends that are older than me feel the same way.
Sometimes when I am sitting alone looking for all the other teenagers, I feel like its five hours, even though it is only five minuets. It feels like five horrible hours. Feeling that I am different from everyone else.
I am a white rose between reds roses; I fell like the Moon missing the Sun.
If my Mom and friends did not help me feel better, saying that I need think that nothing is wrong with me the others see me in the wrong way, I do not need think about the future now enjoy my life and the future came how he want. I do not know what I gone be now.
After I start think how much things change for better from when I was a child in to now, how many things I can do it that I cut not do before.
Fell like I am living my dream.
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I DO OR DON´T
When I moved to a new house in Panama, I start have very good friends on my school and now I already have one year here in this house but I do not know no one from my street.
In my street have a beautiful big apple tree that some times if I can, I cline the tree and observe for hours how beautiful the sky is and the people who past down. Some times I say Hello but I do not say my name. The girls from my age study away so I just can see them some times and some boys study away too but the others who stay they are very shy.
In the New Year they invited me to their party but my mom already have plans to me so I didn’t gone. Cross the street have a park but no one go there have a long time, sometimes I go just for see how mysterious is there, and every one who see me doing that they follow me like if I was a new creature.
Has a guy that lived beside my house his name is Paolo he go there for practice with his friends. But he does not talk too much with girls, only with me because when I go there I hear music a low and I start sing, He start follow my voice he say that I have a beautiful voice. I try invited him to play Xbox in my house but he never came.
He gives so devises about the street and talk about some people that I cut met. Like the yellow house in the ending of the street live only an old woman that do not like us for our age. I ask why but he does not know ether.
Have two boys that live in front of me they call me for play but I have fair to do a mistake and lost their relationship so I lie saying that I am very busy I do not have free time to play but yes for talk.
When are all the girls and the boys together I do not have anything to do so I stay asking I do or don’t talk to them?
When I do I enjoin have their company but I do not fell very well cut not member all the names and they already know mine.
I invited my best friend for sleep on my house so I can be more comfortable close to them but every one is busy.
In the Halloween after I stay in my friends house they call me for a party that was the first and last time that I cut have a long cool time with them.
Thanks my little brothers I start talk to more people who I do not member the name but I will do one day.
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APPLE TREE
At the end of my street, there is a big apple tree with twisted branches, apples of different colors yellow like the sun, green like the lives of the tree, red like leaves in autumn and some with the three colors just like a rainbow but with three colors. My friends and me loved playing under her, we said the red apple was made with chocolate, the yellow apple was made with gold, the green apple could transform you into a tree and the mixed color apple gave you super powers.
Jonny who never wanted to have imagination. He just knew me and says to me and my friends that we did everything wrong. He says we look like stupid girls dreaming the impossible. We just shame him. But after he left we still playing on our magic tree like if nothing happened.
Have a few days I was with my art teacher, I like observe her painting some times. Usually she does not speak much, but on this day she surprised me.
What happen between Jonny and you? She tells me so I said nothing why?
Nothing it is just because he talks about you all the time…
He does I sad thinking what I already did with him. He never was friendly with me.
He is so ugly, I said
You have to see the whole landscapes a lawn alone was so grass and flowers, a glow in the sky is not anything but a sun; a tree for itself is a tree. But if you put all that together you may also have a beautiful surprise. I did not understand what she means with that. But I know that I never gone be his girlfriend.
I ignored what she told me about Jonny, but spent the rest of the day thinking about some parts of a landscape.
Looking out my window for the tree in an afternoon, I saw Jonny playing with a kite. My eyes could not believe what I was seeing.
Jonny Blawns, the boy who has always jeans pants, a white shirt and a gray jacket. Who ever wants to play with me or someone else, witch thinks he is a man not a teenager who wants to enjoy life before starting to work or can barely have time for yourself. Was playing in the tree, our tree like if he never was serious.
The next day, I woke up early to go walking, and then looked at the tree I saw a kite stuck. I climbed the highest point I had gone before in the tree. And looked around me, which was lovely rays of sunshine coloring in the bottom of Orison orange. The more I climbed purer was the air I breathed, Jonny passed down I invited him to climb but he did not want. I kept looking around thinking about what my teacher tell me about.
The thing about only some parts past from my head to my heart in that moment. Every afternoon I climbed for see the twilight and from there, now was my place.
Every day I was there, until I had to travel to see my cousins, when I returned the tree had been cut. Where was the tree sat and cried.
Jonny comes over with a sheet in his hand; he sat next to me and spoke. I never want you to forget how it felt to be on top.
And he handed me a drawing of the tree. After that we started to be more friends and more fun Jonny.
Even his older sister thanks me for that before she close her ayes and make him moved away.