When I first met Zach, we were supposed to be friends. Who would have thought that I would love him in the end? We talked and talked for months and months, we got to know each other in a way that no one would. When I am with Zach I still get butterflies in my stomach; even after all this time.
At school Zach and I are known as the “Negro Lovers”. In the hallways students keep throwing papers at us; at class they say that we are crazy and strange, or come up with multiple reasons why we will never be successful in life. Every idea is stupider than the one before. I have come to the conclusion that Becca, Zack and I are the only mature people in the entire school.
Becca is Clayton’s daughter; she’s a year younger than me. I trust her, but not enough to let her know my feelings about the others, and I still won’t let her touch my mother’s belongings.
Some times those comments from our classmates make Zach think about what they could do with us. When I see him so sad, I calm him down and say: “We can change this, and everything is going to be all right”.
I love the way that he looks and smiles at me. It looked, to me, that his smile was the only thing that matters, the reason for everything that I do. So when I am feeling down, he parrots me: “We can change this, and everything is going to be all right” But he says it better, I can’t beat that beautiful smile.
We are excluded from the group; every time, nobody wants to sit with us, because we are “Negro Lovers”. I can’t say that I am alone, though, because Zach and Becca are always there for me: I do not know what I would do without them.
Roseleen sometimes makes jokes about my teen first love, she says: “I hope your relationship doesn’t get too serious”
August, June and I only laugh, and I punch in her shoulder softly.
I like when they joke like that; not only because that is the way that mothers should act: protecting their daughter from any guy that they fall in love with, but also because it reminds me of Zach’s unbelievable black hair and sparkling eyes. When we talk, in his eyes I could get lost, but there’s also something in the way he walks and his personality. He makes me feel perfect, laughing and alive. His loving arms around me and the taste of his sweet kiss. I don’t know if I can feel that way with some one else.
This attraction that I feel for him, inspires me to start write my first book. Will be about two young lovers that want to be with each other, but because of their colors they are not able to be together. To avoid problems, their family moved them away. When older, she turns into a famous writer, and he in to famous lawyer. They found each other, again and realize they will fight against every thing for be together.
Basic will be Romeo and Juliet in a racist context, maybe I could change only the ending. They don’t die, but every one sees that their color does not change anything about human beings: they laugh, cry, scream and feel just like any one. With their love they change the world and they could be together in peace.
In English class I am the best one; so, sometimes, even if they don’t want to, people need my help. Right now we divide in groups to write love poems. Becca and Zach are my group, so will not be so repulsive.
The river were May die it is the best place in the world for my inspiration: I think and feel inspired by May’ s spirit; so I ask Zach and Becca if we could go there for work on our poem in the weekend, and we decide be there in the morning, because if we finish early we could spend the rest of the day together.
In that weekend, when I was eating, Zach already was in the river, waiting for me; when I finished eating I run to the door so I could go to the river. Right before I opened the door, I saw Becca going to the river. I was looking at her strangely because she was wearing a beautiful blue dress, and her hair up. Normally, in the weekend, she use pants and shirt, with a tie; with her hair lying down: pants and shirt because she always jumps and playing around with me and Zach, her hair down because she likes when the wing flows up. She was dressed way too nicely for a simple homework meeting. Also, I told her that we could play after we finished. I wait she passes so I can go out side.
When I get in to the river, I hide right behind a tree to hear what Zach and Becca are talking about.
Becca said: “Zach did you ever have another girlfriend? Before Lily, I mean.”
Zach looked confused: “No, Lily it is my first and last girlfriend: I don’t think I will ever feel what I feel for her, with some one else.”
“What do you mean? An I not pretty too?”
“ I did not mean that, you beautiful but my feelings to Lily it is not how she looks physically but her personality. I love the fact that I know she’ll never give up on me, the way she look at me, I can’t imagine a day without her in my life, the way sometimes stay up all night and just talk, than watch the sunrise.”
“ Well, I never kiss a black boy before… and you never tried to kiss another girl… maybe if you would your feelings may change…” Becca said, getting a lot closer to him.
Zach stand up trying to stay away from her and said: “ I will see if Lily it is already coming for starting work on our poem”.
Becca stand up fast, grabbed him by the arm holding in to the tree and slowly approached her face to his. Zach it was trying to scape. I could not avoid, I get out behind the tree and scream: “What are you doing?”
They stop and both keep looking at me, I start run to my room. I close the door and Jump in to my bad and I start cry. I couldn’t believe that Becca could do something like that.
I have a strong pain on my chest, it feels like a soul just past through me. Size I get there it was kind of obvious that she was going to try to do something like that, why didn’t Zach try to scape before?
Stay a couple of days with out see and talk to them, but that pain still here on my chest.
Zach try to talk to me sometimes but I always find a way to avoid him. If June, August and Roseleen try to talk about it I move away from them or I just say that I do not want talk about it. Becca never wanted know about me again.
Some weeks after the incident, I was in the house doing my homework beside Our Lady; August was collecting honey from the bees, June had to go to the city for buy some things and Roseleen went with her. When I just finish my homework I hart someone nock the door, when I opened it was Zach. Because I was tired of run away from him, I decide hear what he want tell me.
“Can I help you?”
Zach said: “Look, I understand that you are mad at about what happened. But I would never change you for someone else, especially for Becca. My feelings are for you. No matter what happens, I want to be with you forever.”
“If I wasn’t there, would tell me the truth?”
“Of course. Lily, you are the only one for me. I realize how much pain and suffering this caused you. If I could change the past and take back what happen, I would. But ‘if’, ‘would’, and ‘could’ are things I could only hope for. What I can do is trying mending the damage and hoping that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Words will never suffice as the only apology for what have happened but I sincerely wish that you could forget what happened and start over.”
That pain inside of my chest, that was all this time on me, finally has gone. With those words it is very hard to say that I don’t forgive none of them about what have happened. But I could see in his eyes that he was really sorry.
I smile, hug him and kiss him. This time it feels like the first time. After all what happened, I do believe that every thing will be all right if Zach and me stay together.
Becca never talk to Zach and me again and from what I have hart, she starts dating some one else. I am happy about that, because I will not need to worry about her anymore.
I know now that Zach and I can me together longer time than we saw.
crazyartwolf 